Photograph by Morgana Wingard

BRONX, NEW YORK - May 13, 2020: I was diagnosed May 16, 2016 with Multiple sclerosis (MS). I've had it since 2006 undiagnosed. It's debilitating. Yes. But, I'm a fighter. So, usually when it tries to bring me down, I find something to distract myself from the fatigue or the vertigo or whatever's going on. I used to go for long walks in the city before the lockdown, fresh air, reading, coffee. I managed it up until recently with COVID.

After being exposed in March, I was immediately tested and it was negative. However, I started presenting symptoms two weeks later. I went to my hospital where I go for care and they told me that I may have mild COVID, but they didn’t have any tests. My x-ray at that time came out fine. I had the headache, the loss of taste and smell, the sore throat, the fever, the chills. I had everything except respiratory. 

Then, I thought I was in the clear. The fever broke. I still didn't have taste and smell. But, I thought I was fine. I had a video appointment with my primary and he said the worst is over, but my smell and taste would take awhile to come back and the headache will go away eventually. 

But then that Monday I felt like my body was shutting down. I felt a rush in my head and I couldn't get out of bed. My legs were numb. I picked up my phone and I called my daughter. My daughter's bedroom is next to mine and she came over. She thought it was the MS. I told her, no, I don't think this is MS. I think I'm going to have a seizure or a stroke because I feel something coming. And then I don't remember much after that. Apparently, I had a seizure. Never had a seizure in my life. 

My daughter panicked. But my son didn't panic. My son knew what to do. I always taught my kids what to do when a person is having a seizure or a person goes into cardiac arrest. 

I remember bits and pieces of that night. I do remember how the EMT treated me. Even though I wasn't conscious, I could hear everything. I heard the EMT telling my daughter, “Your mom had COVID?” My daughter said, “Yeah, she had mild COVID because she had all the symptoms except respiratory problems.” And he told my kids there's no such thing as mild COVID. It’s either she has it or she doesn't. Then they told my kids that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was just having a panic attack, and that the twitching was just my body recharging. 

I told myself I'm going to die at home because they're not, they're not, they don't think this is an emergency. I told my kids to take care of themselves. That was the last thing I told them before I passed out--to take care of each other. That was the scariest moment of my life.

But when I woke up in the hospital, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm still here. I have to live life to the fullest. 

I describe it like this: my body was at war. MS and COVID were both fighting for the title, battling against each other. But I decided, I have to be the winner.

They call me the hospital dancer cause whenever I’m admitted for MS, I'm always dancing in the hospital. That’s how I cope. It takes you out of your zone. I could be in bed or in my bedroom or in the living room just thinking and thinking. You know, when you do things like that, you get depressed. I get on Tik Tok and I watch videos. Even though I have two left feet because of the MS it distracts my mind and makes me think of positive things to do rather than mope and cry. I've always been that way since I've been diagnosed with MS. I could either lay in bed and just think about how MS has affected me or I can just live my life, live for the moment, live for the day. So, that’s what I did when with COVID and MS were battling it outside me. I told myself, “I'm going to do these videos and I'm going to do my makeup and I'm going to do my hair and show them who's boss.” And that's how I cope. 

Before the lockdown, I would go to church every Sunday downtown at St Patrick's cathedral. that's my church. that's my home.  I always said that God gives the strongest battles to his strongest warriors. I said to God, “I have MS. I had a brain aneurysm. I've had flare ups. I've had relapses. Now, I have COVID. It's not the end of the world. I can fight it.” And I prayed a lot through it. So aside from my videos and aside from my makeup, I will take the time to pray and thank Him for letting me see another day with my kids.