Dionta
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MORGANA WINGARD
EAST ORANGE, NEW JERSEY - May 30, 2020: I've been working at a medical adult daycare center in New Jersey for over sixteen years. My role is to oversee the daily routine of everything: their activities, the transportation, food, supplies and things of that nature. I make sure that people get picked up and get home safely. If somebody is missing, I go find them.
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COVID-19 closed us down because we work with the elderlly and people with diabetes and high blood pressure who have a higher risk of catching COVID-19. A lot of the members are home now. Even though we're bringing them meals and calling them, just not being outside is affecting them emotionally. We did lose maybe three of our members to COVID-19.
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We closed on Friday, March 20th and I started getting symptoms on Wednesday, March 25th the following week. I was admitted to the hospital the next day.
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I don’t know where I got it. We are a very active place and share everything from pens to the phone and we get a lot of packages and deliveries. People were coughing before we closed, but we didn’t know much about COVID then. It could have come from a number of sources and I’m right at the front desk so I see everyone and have contact with everybody walking through the door.
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I started getting scared on the 25th because I started losing my appetite. I just wanted to lay down. When I woke up on the 26th, it was kinda hard for me to move because I had shortness of breath. Then, I had diarrhea and I couldn't stop coughing.
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So, I started getting nervous. I called my employer and he said that maybe I needed to go to the hospital ASAP, but I chose to lay back down. Once my sister called to see if I was okay, I really knew it was serious because I was gasping for air. I couldn't really breathe. So, it was really scary. All I heard about was deaths at that point. So, from the time I got out of bed until I made it to the hospital, I felt like I was going to die because that's all I was hearing about -- people dying from the coronavirus. And, I didn't even know I had it yet for sure. But, I just knew I had the symptoms of what they were saying and I had a fever.
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My sister took me to the hospital because she said she could get me there quicker and I wanted to go to a certain hospital. While we were riding up, I was looking at the trees. It was a nice sunny day and I got in my mind, this is the last I'm going to breathe air. So, it was really emotional riding from my home to the hospital. I was just gazing in the scenery to be honest with you. My sister was saying something, but I don't remember what she was saying. I was really just looking at the trees and trying to breathe the air because I just knew that was the last time I’d see it.
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Once I got to the hospital, there were a lot of things going on. I really wasn't thinking. I was just gasping for air at that point which was scary for me. I don't suffer from asthma or anything like that. So me not having my ability to breathe the way I wanted to was really getting to me.
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Surprisingly the emergency room only had one person in there because they had the staff set up outside so it wouldn't be a crowded emergency room. So, they took me right in. I was very uncomfortable because I was very hot. There were a lot of people, a lot of nurses. They were very kind. They were trying to do the best they could. I also noticed the fear with having to deal with the situation. But, they did their job. They did test me for COVID-19 when I arrived at the emergency room. But, for some reason it wasn't done correctly. They just took a swab at the tip of my nose instead of going all the way up. And then when they sent it off, it got lost somewhere. So, I never really found that I had COVID until the day I was discharged because I had to do another test and it took two or three days for it to come back. But, the nursing staff were very kind and caring. They tried to make me as comfortable as possible. They put the breathing mechanism in my nose for the low oxygen, but that didn't do anything compared to what I was feeling.
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I started to prepare to die. The only contact I had with my family was my sister so I started telling her everything that needed to be taken care of -- finances, my parents, my job and stuff like that. I was essentially telling her my will -- who I wanted to get what and telling everybody how I felt about them and I loved them. I really have a simple life so it wasn’t that complicated. It was just one, two, three and everything would have been done.
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I don't know if it was an angel or God, but my lungs were shutting down and they were trying to weigh out options for me to get more air. They were telling my sister over the phone that they were gonna put me in ICU and put me on a ventilator. A lung doctor came in and started rubbing my shoulders. I started getting nervous because it felt like something bad was about to happen. He asked me about my weight and how long I have been overweight. I said for many years. I really don't know. He said, “Well, they're trying to put you in the ICU. Your lungs are not doing well at all. They're going to put you on a ventilator. But, I'm just asking if you have any fight in you to really, really fight, because if we take you there, there's a great chance you won't make it back out.” I asked him what else I could do. He said, “You have to try to make yourself breathe. Take deep breaths even though it's painful. We can give you a sleep apnea mask (see pap mask) that has more air coming through it. We can give that to you in the meantime, but you really have to try to push and breathe on your own.” I took that advice and I didn't go on a ventilator. I think he saved my life. I really believe he did.
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I knew I was getting better the day I started coughing up a lot of mucus. That particular day, it was almost like I was vomiting, but it was a whole bunch of mucus and phlegm coming up. It happened for about two minutes. It was just coming up, coming up. And after that point I started feeling relief in my chest. Then I had an appetite and I wasn't as hot. Most of my stay, my fever was 105, 107. After that point, when I started coughing up phlegm and the mucus and I got my appetite back, I knew I was getting a little better. Then my oxygen levels were maintaining a certain number. So they said I was doing much better and started turning down the oxygen I was getting gradually. So, that's when I knew.
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I was nervous the day I was released because I had to go back into the real world. Gazing at the TV, when I had the opportunity to, all I heard about was the number of people dying. I wasn't sure if I could contract it again. So, I was really nervous about coming home. And, I just found out that I was COVID-19 positive on that day. But, I just toughed it up. My sister came and got me. She was covered with her mask and we just gave each other a notch like, “You good?” I said, “Yeah, I'm good.” And she said, “you need anything?” I said, “nah, just take me home.” “You know, you want something to eat?” I said, “you bring it back later.”
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I enjoyed that fresh air on the way home. As soon as I got there, I just laid down. I was happy to be in my own bed because the hospital bed was very uncomfortable. After that I was locked away in quarantine for two weeks. Every day, she would drop food off at the door and that's how I got fed.
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During quarantine my muscles went numb. It was like this bad, tingly feeling for a couple days. At that point I didn’t feel like eating or drinking again, but then on the third day I snapped out of it. Then, I had a rash that broke out on my toes and they went numb. I first noticed it in the hospital when they were cleaning me in the hospital. My toes are still numb.
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Sometimes I have dreams about myself in the hospital. I see my face laying in the hospital bed. I guess it’s a reminder to not take life for granted.
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To me, COVID was a blessing and a curse. It was a curse because it almost took my life. It took many people's lives. It came out of nowhere. It changed the economy and it changed the way we live. But it was kind of a blessing to me because at that point, my life value meant something to me and not saying that I didn't care about myself, but I really neglected the way I was living -- just carelessly, like I didn’t care. I'm the type of guy who would put someone else's well-being before my own, all the time. At that point it was the first time in a long time that I actually felt that I was valuable and I wanted to save my own life. It really got my wheels turning. It got me thinking about everything: dealing with my well-being, finances. I was spending money loosely and carelessly at that point in time. So thank goodness for things happening. After that point, I was able to get through and pay things off, live simple, take care of my health.
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It helped me realize that because I'm obese, it put me at a higher risk of COVID taking me out. So now I’m taking pride in my health and appreciating life more, really appreciating it. And I know it sounds like something scripted, but my mind really changed after I got released from the hospital. I really consider myself more and I really appreciate the small things versus trying to get the bigger things. Just going outside after my two week quarantine and being able to enjoy the air means more to me now than ever, because I couldn't do that for almost a month. Seeing the sun or hearing the birds, it really does mean a lot.
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God is the number one thing that got me through this. I’ve abandoned God for many years. I haven’t really prayed. I just lived my own life. But, the many prayers from people, mostly strangers, family and friends really got me through and made me realize that life is precious.
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SYMPTOMS: cough, loss of appetite, fatigue, shortness of breath, diarrhea, fever, coughing up mucus, rash, numb toes, tingling throughout body
LINGERING SYMPTOMS: back pain near lungs, numb toes, insomnia, nightmares