This is part of a series on Grace Heights Health and Rehabilitation — which had over 40 residents and 35 staff members test positive for COVID. 

MORGANTON, NORTH CAROLINA: Healthcare is stressful anyway. But, when you're dealing with this and the residents can't be with their families, it is so emotional. They don't understand. So, it's been very hard for me because I relate to them. It's very mental.

the residents can't be with their families, it is so emotional. They don't understand. 

We didn't know that it was going to spread that quickly. I wasn't that worried at first because I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to do: washing hands and wearing the PPE. Even with the residents, taking the little wash clothes in there and making sure they're washing their hands. Even though they're not allowed out of the rooms, but just to try to be more conscious of everything. We know that it's airborne, but there's a lot of it that we don't understand like why some of us get it and some of us don't. It does not make sense to me.

there's a lot of it that we don't understand like why some of us get it and some of us don't. It does not make sense to me.

I left work on a Monday evening not feeling good. I didn't think it was COVID. I thought I was getting the flu. I know that it affects people in different ways. I was sick most of that night. My body was hurting so bad that I had to wrap up in a heating blanket just to try to get some relief. I got tested on Tuesday morning. I was worried then because I thought I did everything that was supposed to do and then I was pretty sure I was going to have it.

I thought I did everything that was supposed to do

I have three sisters and I found out on Thursday that I was positive. Of course, it scared me. I was crying like a baby. So I called my sisters and I told them, “I'm not gonna be able to be around.” They prayed for me. It was about 10 o'clock in the morning. Having my sisters pray for me, gave me a sense of peace. So, I quit worrying about it so much. It was a good experience to know that there are people who care for you and they're going to be there for you. I would do the same for anybody too. 

The headaches and body pain lasted for about seven days. But, the tiredness and the fatigue lasted for about two and a half weeks. But then I ended up with pneumonia so they put me on antibiotics and cough medicine. It was a long three weeks. I read up about taking vitamin C and zinc, so I was making sure that I'd done that and staying hydrated because a lot of people who get this end up dehydrated. 

I was hurting really bad — the real muscle pain and stuff. I only ran a fever of 103℉ for maybe 24 hours. Then, it was just muscle pain, a horrible headache, and feeling so tired that I didn't want to raise my hand off a pillow. 

Everything tasted salty — not just a little salty, like eating a salt cube. But, other stuff tasted okay. So, I would try to find stuff like yogurt and of course ice cream that I didn't have to worry about. I drank a lot of Propel water. I think that helped a lot too.

I wasn't worried as much about me not pulling through with it. But, then you start to think about your parents who are elderly and my husband and what if something happens to them. You're going to blame yourself for it even though you're all trying to be protected by wearing the PPE. It's scary because you don't want to cause harm to someone else and you didn't even know that you had it. That was the hardest part for me because you don't want to do something to hurt your parents.

It's scary because you don't want to cause harm to someone else and you didn't even know that you had it. 

If it hadn't been for my faith in God, I honestly don't see myself being as strong as I ended up trying to be for everybody else. I have a prayer chain at church. So one of my sisters contacted somebody there and they started a prayer chain. At a certain time of day, they would pray to whoever needed it. It really did help me. You knew that somebody was praying for you and I thought, “Well, I've got to pull through this. I'm not sure what this outcome's going to be because a lot of people have a lot of issues afterward that they have to deal with as far as walking and things like that. But having a base of people praying and sending me cards to let me know they were praying for me, made a world of difference. You’ve got to have somebody to depend on and to be there with you. If you don't have that, that would be lonely. It'd be scary.

Unless somebody goes through COVID-19, I don't think they know how hard it affects you. Until you've gone through it or saw somebody go through it, you have no idea.

Until you've gone through it or saw somebody go through it, you have no idea.

You start thinking bad about yourself. You think, “Did I not do this or did I not do that?” It stays on your mind. Mentally, it really bothered me. You feel like you're a failure. Did you not do what you were supposed to do? Were you not taking care of yourself like you thought you were taking care of yourself?  It was very nerve-wracking for me. I cried a lot. That's how it stayed on your mind. You cried. I thought I was going crazy. I thought, “Oh my, I’m going to end up in a mental institute.” 

I thought I was going crazy. I thought, “Oh my, I’m going to end up in a mental institute.” 

It was terrifying coming back to work. I know your risk is supposed to be lower once you've had it, but you're scared about coming in. I got sick on that Sunday night before I came back. I just kept praying. But when I come in I thought, “I've gotta be stronger for everybody else and be there for everybody else.” After the first two hours, I was okay. But the thought of coming back in it was terrifying.

Teresa is a registered nurse who’s been with Grace Heights for five years.