Renee

She caught Covid early on, spent months recovering, and is now working to rebuild her life.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK: In the middle of March (2020), I was sitting in the park with my husband. We were complaining about allergies, and I suddenly got chills. Covid was just beginning to take off in NYC, and little was known about it. 

In three days, I had fever and chills, body aches, and everything smelled putrid. I was freaking out; what was going on.

I was sick but heard that the hospitals were swamped. I called City MD, and an ambulance was sent. I asked the EMT to tell me what would happen if they took me to the hospital. He said I’d probably sit in a chair for days, surrounded by people sicker than me, as no rooms were available.

I refused to go. I was better off staying home with my husband and taking care of myself.

My condition got worse. I lost my sense of taste and appetite. I hallucinated, was always fatigued, couldn’t sit up. I had chills so bad I would take long, hot showers to try and warm up. 

For weeks, I was mentally out of it. Although I was panicky about my condition, I tried to stay calm and positive. I was afraid to go to sleep because the fever dreams were the worst. I’d have to change my night clothes several times because they’d get soaked with sweat.

My family and friends were freaked out at how sick I was. They kept telling me to go to the hospital, but I wasn’t going to do that. Finally, I stopped answering the phone.

During this time, the governor’s daily messages comforted me that help was coming, and we would get through this.

After two months, I began to recover. I had several calls with my GP and appreciated her care and concern. I did test my blood oxygen level but was confused by the readings. I thought “90” was fine but later found out this was not true.

I did do aromatherapy with eucalyptus oil and think that helped. But I am still easily fatigued and get headaches. Sometimes my brain doesn’t work; I have difficulty connecting words and feel like I’m in a fog. I can hear my mind telling my body to do something, but it doesn’t happen. I can’t remember what day it is, and anxiety overwhelms me. My hair fell out, so I cut it off. At times, my scalp burned, so I took a cold shower to cool it off, but that didn’t help.

I’ve had to work at not being stuck in a “pity party.” I keep telling myself that the medical world will figure Covid out, and I’ll get through this. But sometimes, my symptoms flare up, and I get anxious. I’m hesitant about planning anything, about taking gig jobs, because I don’t know what my body will do.

My life is now one day at a time. I try to stick to a routine, give my life some order, do the little things that bring joy. Eat, listen to songs that light me up, take a walk in the park. Connecting with nature helps ease my mind.

Talking to friends helps break up my loneliness, and hearing the stories of other Covid survivors affirms that my difficulties are real. Hearing about all the doctors and nurses and first responders working all day, all night, to care for the many who are sick gives me hope.

The biggest thing for me has been accepting that not being “okay” is “okay.” I’ll get through this, but it will take time. Covid has forced me to slow down and appreciate life more. I have a deeper sense of gratitude for the people in my life. I was moved to tears to find out how many loved me.

Now, I ask myself, what can I do that is meaningful today?

The dream that keeps coming to me is getting out and sharing the joy of making music again.

7/5/21 Update: I've been fully vaxxed as of two months ago. So far, so good, in that I haven't noticed any symptoms, especially the "fade outs" as I called them. I haven't had one in almost two months now. I haven't tested positive since this time last year, but I am still cautious and wear my mask. Having had the experience that I've had I take it very seriously, definitely with all the new strains going around. We are playing out again, not very much, but we did a few park jams with people (all masked, socially distanced, etc.) We're playing our first indoor gig in a few days and I am anxious about that. However, I've been on a plane and it was necessary for me to stay in hotels (due to family emergencies) over the past month, and again, so far, so good.