Julia
PHOTOGRAPHED BY MORGANA WINGARD
Julia’s symptoms crept in like a rolling fog of fatigue and aching back pain, easy to write off as “anxiety” until more symptoms emerged. A couple of weeks later, flattened by COVID’s effects, it brought home that her life and her health were not in her hands.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA: I started paying more attention to COVID-19 in February when my brother, a professor, canceled his annual summer trip, with his students, to Italy. Then, it was in early March when it became something we thought and read about daily. That's when we started locking down.
My 75-year-old mother, who was living with us, has autoimmune issues and my husband has chronic asthma. So, we decided in early to mid-March to stay home and not leave home except for groceries and for walks in our neighborhood. My husband started working from home, our girls’ school was cancelled and when we couldn’t get a grocery delivery slot, I would go to the store. I wasn’t wearing a mask yet because it wasn't recommended — although I thought about it. I remember trying to keep my distance from others, and I carried sanitizer with me.
My first day of symptoms was March 28. We were supposed to go on a hike that morning. But when we left the house I started feeling weak and really tired, so we walked around the neighborhood instead. As the day went on, I felt worse — mostly exhaustion, but also painful back and neck pain. The possibility of COVID didn’t enter my mind because at the time, doctors were only talking about symptoms of sore throat, cough and fever. But the next day, I woke up with a low fever. That’s when I thought, “Oh no.” I isolated myself in my room and stayed away from my family.
After I started feeling more symptoms, I went to my doctor for a COVID test. I think that was my day four. His first question was, “Who have you had contact with outside of your family?” The only person was the grocery store worker who I talked with (though the window) during curbside pickup. My doctor figured that's where I got it.
While I was waiting for my test results, my chest felt funny and I would tell myself, “This is anxiety. I’m over thinking this.” But as the days went on, I started experiencing GI issues and loss of smell. Plus, my fatigue seemed to be getting worse. When my doctor called to tell me the news, on my day seven of symptoms, he sounded so serious that it alarmed me. He said, “We don't know how this is going to go. But most likely you have not had your worst days yet.” That was scary to hear. It was a weird feeling knowing I had something in my body that doctors knew so little about.
My doctor kept saying, “I never thought in my career that I would feel like I'm practicing 18th century medicine, but that's basically what it feels like right now. I just don’t have any answers.”
The next few days were worse. Two mornings later I had to reach for an inhaler. Days eight and nine felt pretty rough. In addition to the fatigue and shortness of breath, I had ocular migraines and my vision would get blurry at night. I also had clogged and popping ears (that lasted for weeks after recovery,) an upset stomach, and it was difficult to eat. I lost 10-pounds in two weeks. I never had a sore throat or a cough, but I did lose my voice.
COVID was the weirdest sickness I've ever had. I didn't sense time was passing. I would lie on my bed and look out the window and think 10 minutes had passed. Then I'd look at my phone and realize four hours had gone by.
I was conscious, but looking back, there are huge chunks of time and conversations I don't remember. Fortunately, I never felt I needed to get to a hospital. Fatigue was by far my worst symptom. It was relentless. But the symptom that had me worried was tightness in my chest and my shortness of breath.
Not knowing if my breathing was going to get worse was unsettling. It didn’t help that before I got COVID, I’d read a lot of accounts from people who had the disease. I worried whether I'd be able to hug my girls again. I was deeply concerned about my husband or my mom getting it. They kept the house running while I was isolated, for 33-days. Every day that went by, I would feel such relief that no one else was sick.
My relationship with God was my lifeline. And so were the people in our community. The support we got was unreal. We had friends from church dropping meals off for the entire month I was sick. My mom and my husband did not have to cook anything and that was huge. My husband was working long days, so that generosity was such a relief. Our pastor’s mom sent me a verse almost every night, because she knew I was afraid to go to sleep. I would read and think about the verse until I got so tired I would pretty much pass out.
The positive side of being isolated was that once I started feeling better, around day 16, I had so much time to myself to pray, reflect, and read. I had time to catch up with friends on the phone. Things that I don’t get an abundance of time to do with a 2-year old and 4-year old. COVID stopped my busy days and brought me to the point where I really listened and prayed more than I usually do.
It brought home that while my default is to try and control everything, I had no control over my recovery. My health, my life, was in God’s hands. It always has been of course.
The time ended up being a real gift. Before COVID, I’d been struggling in my relationship with God after going through some intense suffering and loss over a 5-year period. I didn’t question his existence but he felt absent from my own heart and life. He felt silent to me and I didn’t sense his comfort. It was a dark night of my soul for sure. But while I had COVID, something changed and I felt his presence in a new way. It was a breakthrough. At one point, after days of asking where He’d been and asking him to show me more of the story He was weaving in my life, my pastor’s mom sent me a verse that read, “Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher.” In that moment I knew it was a gift of grace. The comfort of realizing it deep in my bones that “Yes, He’s here right now regardless of whether I sense it was profoundly comforting.”
It’s now been more than 4-months since I got sick and we’ve since learned that my husband tested positive for antibodies. We now presume I got COVID from him and that he picked it up during one of his last days at the office. Of course, there’s no way to know for sure, but that explanation makes the most sense. (There were a few days in mid-March where he had a bad headache and fatigue. We wrote off his symptoms to a new, ill-fitting pillow and a poor night’s sleep. Now we figure that’s when he probably had it.)
I think I’m still dealing with some affects from COVID. Mostly crushing fatigue that usually hits in the afternoons for several hours.
Recently I looked at my mom and asked, “what’s wrong with me?”
She said, “I think you're still recovering.”
I told her, “But it's been months like this. I shouldn't still feel this way.”
It’s a little discouraging especially as my husband is also dealing with fatigue that usually hits him in the evenings. When we tell people about it they kind of laugh and tell us because it’s because of our little girls. But, there’s no comparison to the fatigue we felt pre-COVID to now.
As for pre-existing conditions, I had mild asthma as a child, but haven’t had issues with it as an adult. When the doctor diagnosed me, he prescribed an inhaler and an antibiotic. I took both of those and on my own took vitamins C, D - and melatonin. I got an oximeter to measure my oxygen levels. I think the lowest it got was 94. After almost two-weeks in bed, I finally started forcing myself to move, stretch, and do simple breathing exercises. I don't think I've ever stayed mostly in bed for that many days. The fatigue was so terrible, but it felt good to do something. I didn't really feel like I could do much, but I thought, “I can at least do this.”
I'm very thankful for the little things now — not to say I don't still get really annoyed and frustrated by things that happen through the day. But, I have a profound appreciation for the very simple mundane things like taking care of my girls every day, getting to spend time with them, and time together as a family.
Our state is exploding with cases and with the unknowns concerning immunity and affects on children, we’ve decided I’ll homeschool our 4-year old for Pre-K. In the meantime, I’m praying I have enough energy to get through the days and hope this fatigue gets better with time.
DATES OF ILLNESS: March 28 – April 11 / April 28 tested negative
PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS: Mild asthma growing up, but not as an adult.
SYMPTOMS: Exhaustion, back and neck muscle pain, congestion, loss of smell, insomnia, shortness of breath, tightness and soreness in chest, brain fog, low fever for a few days, GI issues, bad headaches, clogged ears, ocular migraine, blurry vision, lost/hoarse voice. When I first started getting better, my pulse was pretty high with low activity like standing or getting ready.
LINGERING SYMPTOMS: fatigue, brain fog
TREATMENT: Inhaler (I only used it twice and it, it did help), antibiotics, vitamin c, vitamin d, melatonin, chicken noodle soup and vitamin water.