TEANECK, NEW JERSEY: My symptoms emerged on March 15th, but I was wait-listed for several days as I needed a referral from my primary care physician to qualify for testing. As PPE supplies were extremely scarce at the time, I first had to be screened for prior approval. It wasn’t until March 19th when I received the green light to test at the local hospital, and March 28th when I finally received the confirmation that I tested positive for COVID-19.

I went to the ER on March 24th. It was early evening when I awoke from a nap, gasping for air. No longer a natural action for me, I had to actively remember how to inhale and exhale. There was this disconnect between my brain and automatic breathing responses; it was terrifying. I was put on oxygen for several hours and had a follow-up appointment with a pulmonologist who prescribed a nebulizer compressor system, multiple fast-acting inhalers, and a bronchodilator. I was also provided Plaquenil, but I was too hesitant to take it, given how controversial hydroxychloroquine has been for COVID-19 treatment.

It was early evening when I awoke from a nap, gasping for air.

I experienced a roller-coaster of symptoms over the next four months. Early into the virus, my lungs and trachea felt like they were coated in lava; it was a searing, fiery burn that radiated throughout my respiratory tract in waves. I also experienced a heaviness upon my chest as if I was being anchored down by a weighted, invisible force. Other notable symptoms included losing my sense of taste and smell; a dry and croupy cough; debilitating lethargy; low-grade fevers with ice-cold hands; excessive sweating, particularly at nighttime; and a 'pins-and-needles' sensation behind my thighs, almost as if my nerves were firing off. Perhaps most concerning, however, was my extremely labored breathing. As an asthmatic, I couldn’t breathe on my own without relying on multiple rescue inhalers. It felt as if my body was waging war against itself.

It's impossible to pinpoint when I was exposed to COVID-19. I was working and living in the New Jersey / New York City area, so there is no legitimate way to account for every single interaction during my daily exchanges. Manhattan was a breeding ground for the virus in early March, and my hometown of Teaneck was considered an "epicenter" with 18 confirmed cases during the time I fell ill.

When I found out I had COVID-19, there were so many racing thoughts in my mind. I was confused as to how I contracted it, naively thinking that I would recover from it within the proposed 14-day period, and overwhelmed with how to process the news. From one week to the next, I went from a healthy gym-enthusiast to a bed-ridden woman battling a deadly, infectious disease.

I went from a healthy gym-enthusiast to a bed-ridden woman battling a deadly, infectious disease.

The fear of dying was always at the forefront of my mind. Until I contracted COVID-19, I had never experienced such physical debilitation in my life, and something I found particularly terrifying is what I refer to as the "sleep strangles." I would wake up in the middle of the night, wheezing and gasping for breath, as if I was being suffocated from the inside. I was petrified to fall asleep, even despite my chronic fatigue, as there was no guarantee I would wake up. During these darker times, I composed a series of audio notes and short journal entries as send-offs to my loved ones, just in case I didn't make it.

The estimated incubation period of COVID-19 ranges anywhere from 2-14 days. My symptoms emerged on March 15th. This roughly means that during the first two weeks of March, I went to work, rode the subway, met friends for happy hour, etc. During that window of time, I was unaware I had been exposed to the virus, and perhaps unintentionally infecting people around me. This weighs heavily on my mind. Additionally, the loneliness associated with self-isolation was another obstacle to overcome. There have been many moments I’ve struggled with being in my head; feeling anxious and extremely despondent. The ambiguity of the unknown can play tricks on a person’s mind.

I’m fortunate to be surrounded by incredible friends and loved ones who have gone the extra mile to reaffirm their emotional support. On the contrary, I’m the one who continues to struggle in reciprocating and upholding communication. This virus is so erratic that I find it difficult to convey my recovery status, seeing as it has cycled on-and-off for 100+ days in haphazard rotation. One thing that's been indispensable for me is the Body Politic COVID-19 Support Group. It's an online community of people with lingering COVID-19 symptoms from around the world, all facing similar relapsing experiences. It's proven extremely cathartic during these uncertain times.

My experience with COVID-19 has undoubtedly changed me forever. The virus has played such an integral role in my life over the past four months that it’s difficult to remember my identity without it. There’s no doubt I’ve had many “Why is this happening to me?” moments throughout my recovery, but I will say it has certainly humbled me. When you think you’re facing the brink of death, the value of life becomes crystal clear.

COVID-19 is not a discriminatory virus. It doesn't care about your personal convictions, religious beliefs, or doubts about its existence. It doesn't register color, patriotism, politics, or conspiracy theories. Quite simply, it just "is." It does what it needs to survive, using humans as its host. 

COVID-19 is not a discriminatory virus. It doesn't care about your personal convictions, religious beliefs, or doubts about its existence. It doesn't register color, patriotism, politics, or conspiracy theories. Quite simply, it just "is." It does what it needs to survive, using humans as its host. 

With at least 199,000 lives lost to this pandemic, America is facing unprecedented times. How many more fatalities must we endure for the sake of "protecting one's right to not wear a mask?"