NEW YORK, NEW YORK: It came out of nowhere. There, at a family dinner, I suddenly realized I couldn’t taste anything! Not the pizza. Not the salad. Not even the balsamic vinaigrette. When next I couldn’t smell either, I ran to the bathroom and sprayed perfume. Nada. Smelled absolutely nothing. I was in utter shock...was it some kind of fluke reaction, I thought? Maybe a sinus infection? An allergy attack? Not that the symptoms were consistent, but I was temporarily in denial. So I didn’t say anything. But when I couldn’t taste the minty toothpaste later that night, I knew something was very wrong. 

It came out of nowhere. 

It was early March and the world was still learning about the signs and side effects of COVID-19 and so much was unknown. Still, in the throes of the outbreak, when New York basically shut itself down, I had a bad feeling.

 

​“I think I might have it,” I said to my husband. He did his best to reassure me that I didn’t, because even at that time losing taste and smell was not a red flag.

 

​“You don’t have COVID,” he said. And somehow I accepted that and put my fears to rest.

even at that time losing taste and smell was not a red flag.

 

​If only that came true. I awoke the next morning with a severe headache, 101℉ fever, conjunctivitis in both eyes, and pink eye. I could barely open my eyes and felt incredibly heavy like I was in a weighted blanket.

 

​Fearing the worst, I called my doctor at NYU Langone who, upon hearing my symptoms, said he wasn’t worried. Pink eye, apparently, was not a side effect. I could breathe and my fever wasn’t alarmingly high. He advised me to take Tylenol, drink fluids, and stay in bed.

 

​I wanted to believe him desperately but I just KNEW. If it wasn’t COVID, then what was it? Why else would I feel so out of place in the midst of an epidemic?

If it wasn’t COVID, then what was it? Why else would I feel so out of place in the midst of an epidemic?

 

​My worst fears were realized when my husband began feeling the same … actually, much worse: 102℉ fever and shaking and sweating at night. I also developed terrible heart palpitations — scary thumping in my chest that made anxiety look like a beach day.

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It was beyond scary, like a horror movie coming to life. Because as the nation watched this epidemic unfold on television, it was literally invading my home. And there wasn’t a lot we could do about it. Short of going to the hospital, we were on our own. Not that we could have gone if we tried; that was reserved for the sickest, in need of ventilators and 24-hour ICU.

It was beyond scary, like a horror movie coming to life. 

 

​Our nightmare continued for three weeks. Only someone who has had COVID can know what it’s like. I can describe the symptoms and sensations, but those are just words. They don’t nearly capture what it’s really like. One needs to have had it to truly understand. And I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

 

​We finally got tested and the results said I didn’t have it, but my husband did. That made no sense to me. I knew it had to be a false negative. A second test was more confusing: neither of us had it.

 

​Our family doctor meant well, but his certainty in the testing was very frustrating, mainly because they weren’t feeling what I was. (Of course, now we know 20-30% of the nasal COVID tests product false negatives). I knew I had the virus. My body was telling me every moment of the day. I could barely get out of bed and shower. I couldn’t help my daughter with her school work. I could barely walk. My normal active day, juggling a million balls at once ground to a halt. So did my physical activity.

I could barely get out of bed and shower. 

 

​Finally, a third test revealed what we already knew, both my husband and I had the antibodies. Translation: I had COVID.

 

​We have learned a lot about this virus since then and retracing how my husband and I became infected didn’t take much detective work. Our son had been sent home from school in February with many of the same early symptoms but at that point, COVID was not even a thought. America had a dozen or fewer reported cases.

Our son had been sent home from school in February with many of the same early symptoms 

 

​I took him to the doctor three times in one week, and he seemed genuinely stumped. Though our son was experiencing a high fever, aches, and chills, he didn’t have any of the normal ailments children often experience, like the flu or Strep throat. The doctor surmised it had to be a virus, which was seen in other children at that time but with little harm. “Just treat it with Tylenol,” we were told. Our doctor told us many children were coming in with “an unknown virus”. 

 

​We believe our son probably got the virus at school and or on the subway and brought it home to us. That’s one of the scariest things about COVID — it’s so easy to transmit. And that was back in February when no one was even talking about masks(and to think, seven months later, this is still subject for debate!). One thing we have learned is that children have a remarkable recovery rate: they barely show any effects and bounce back five or six days later. But they sure can spread it!

​We believe our son probably got the virus at school and or on the subway 

 

​Our son recovered swiftly — thankfully! — but his mom has not. I am what they call a“long hauler.” I am still experiencing the worst of some of the symptoms:  bone-deep fatigue, lack of taste/smell (some but not all has come back... I can taste ten foods including apples, chocolate, and salmon) and tinnitus - even seven months later. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again.

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Our “pre-COVID” lives seem so long ago. It went like this: My husband works in entertainment and has a very demanding job, but he’s an amazing father and is always there for the heavy lifting. I work from home, balancing the day-to-day family stuff while managing a brand that does marketing, writing, producing, events, collaborations, and social media campaigns for brands targeting women like me: active, social, and upwardly mobile moms determined to live their best lives. We have a full life in New York City. We enjoy experiencing everything the city has to offer: culture, Broadway, museums, dining, and friends, all while raising our three children, dog, and two fish. 

Our “pre-COVID” lives seem so long ago. 

 

​Our “after” COVID lives are challenging to say the least. We try to stay active and keep some degree of normalcy for our family. Our three kids are well taken care of. They eat, sleep, play, and learn with as much love and care as we’ve always provided. We bring them to their classes, playdates, appointments, school. I make their lunches, prepare dinner (lots of takeouts), and put them to bed. But they know their mommy is still not 💯 percent back to herself. Something has changed. Mommy is crying herself to sleep some nights and taking long naps in the middle of the day because she’s too tired to do anything else. She’s making lists to remind herself of things she’ll forget because of the COVID brain fog. 

​Our “after” COVID lives are challenging to say the least. 

 

​Even meeting people socially takes some adjustment. First, I have to summon the energy to even go. Then, in full transparency, I let them know I had COVID. Not anymore — though it sure feels like it — but I think it’s important to let them know because I can be forgetful during our lunch or dinner and will not be able to taste much on the menu. And unlike the “old me”, I most likely won’t be drinking.

I think it’s important to let them know because I can be forgetful

There’s a myth that once you no longer test positive from COVID, you’ve “recovered.” Like getting over the flu. If you weren’t on a ventilator, you’re fine. That could not be further from the truth. People who haven’t had it just don’t get it. Imagine having the flu but you never recover. I call this the “Ugly Ugly Fucking Beast.” UUFB, like a university in hell. You just never graduate!

I call this the “Ugly Ugly Fucking Beast.” UUFB, like a university in hell. You just never graduate!

Aside from the love of family and friends, there’s not a lot of support for us “long haulers.” People barely know what that means. What got me through the darkest days is being on the Survivor Corps page. Finally, a community of people who understand. I read their stories, recommendations, and advice as gospel. It’s given me hope because I now have a support system of people who feel as I do. We’re still learning so much about COVID, but frankly: I’ve learned enough. Thankfully, I now have online friends who feel the same.

We’re still learning so much about COVID, but frankly: I’ve learned enough. 

The Pivot. It’s almost become a cliché, but what choice do we have? Life has changed, we have to deal with it. 2019 is a long memory and hopefully, 2020 will be asap. I’ve decided — more like needed — to take what I’ve learned and apply it to my life and business. It’s hard to define exactly what I do — marketing, influencing, public relations, writer, connector, entrepreneur — but COVID has given me a new purpose. Because we’re not victims. We’re survivors.

we’re not victims. We’re survivors.

I’m instilling my brand, DivaMoms, with our new reality. In September I hosted a Moms’ Get-Away #MTO Off The Grid #OTG Weekend at the beautiful Tyler Hill Camp in the Poconos to get mothers (many of whom have been tasked with maintaining their full-time jobs while also taking on the majority of domestic and child-rearing duties like homeschooling, etc. – in short, a very frazzled, sleep-deprived bunch ) out of the city, into the country and unplugged. For two days we meditated, hiked, exercised, drank, talked, ate, napped, and generally renewed and repaired. It was cathartic. Regenerative. We have many more planned and our upcoming Spring retreat is already sold out. 

I dreamed up this idea on a late August afternoon when I brought my daughter, Blake, to tour Tyler Hill Camp for the summer of 2021. I felt it while I was there, and knew that a weekend away – and completely off the grid – was the solution for other moms who were seeking that same sense of peace.  And right there and then – while sharing a Chipwich in Adirondack chairs on the side of Tyler Hill’s pool – I turned to my sister and our very close friend and Tyler Hill’s director Wendy Siegel and began plotting and planning and brainstorming. Exactly one month later, it was “Opening Day” for the Diva Moms Getaway Weekend. And what a weekend it was.  

a weekend away – and completely off the grid – was the solution for other moms who were seeking that same sense of peace. 

Moms arrived on a Friday afternoon in September to swag bags filled with everything from Beach Juice, #OTG custom masks, mask chains, Pheel masks and gift cards, custom #deLysscious cookies, to Augustinus Bader face cream to Bliss at-home facials (plus the most coveted #otg tie-dye sweatshirts). Once they settled into their private rooms with private bathrooms overlooking Tyler Hill’s magnificent Laurel Lake, the fun began. Days were filled with yoga classes, cardio boot camps, mindfulness programs, “Wine and Dye”, beading, cupcake decorating, journaling, and more. Nights included campfires and s’mores, storytelling, lots of wine, karaoke for those that dared, and late-night canteen pizza.  Meals were extravagant, snacks were “campy” and the feeling among the moms was one of complete chill. 

 

Conversations spanned from sippy cups to college essays to business ideas to “mommy tips.” Strangers became friends, and laughter echoed from the lakes to the trees, from the early hours around the coffee bar to well into the lat night. It was exactly what the doctor ordered!

 

The weekend was a home run from start to finish. And while moms begrudgingly said goodbye after breakfast on Sunday and began their treks home, they did so with a sense of renewal and a spring in their steps. And speaking of spring… the May 21st-23rd Diva Moms Getaway is already at capacity with a waitlist. These moms are ONTO something.

As long as there are moms and kids, there will be a need for moms to get away for #OTG #MTO weekends.  Lyss and Wendy promise that they will not stop working their magic to provide these unique #OTG #MTO getaways. And if you’re a grandma or a dad…don’t you worry!!  “Glam-Ma” and “Diva Dads” weekends are in the works…there’s something for everyone! 

I’m also launching an online store supporting women entrepreneurs. I wish I could tell you more, but that’s for tomorrow. In the meantime, I look around and feel thankful for what I have. I no longer worry about nonsense and mindfully choose to only focus on healing and positive energy. 

 

“People think they will wake up one day and I’ll be gone. But I’m never going away.” – Madonna