“I used to go out every day after work like a normal 30 something. I can’t do that anymore because I suffer from regular, debilitating migraines.”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK: I know I got COVID in Houston or on the flight from Houston. There's no other way.Back in March, I went to visit my family in El Paso, Texas. After that, I went to Houston to see my brothers.

Before I left for my trip, I realized what was going on in China after listening to a report on NPR. My background is in psychology, but also biology. I know how a virus works. I know how biology works. I know how epidemics work. I know how pandemics work. I told my coworkers, “I don't think that this is going to end. I think this is going to blow up into a pandemic. They laughed at me. I bought a family-sized roll of toilet paper back in late February and put it under my desk at work. While I was in Texas, one of my coworkers couldn't find toilet paper. I told her, “Grab whatever you need from under my desk.”

There was a rolling joke around the office, “Henry has toilet paper under his desk!” But, then their tone changed.

At one point my coworkers sent me a picture of all these empty, giant boxes surrounding my desk. I was like, “Why are there boxes around my desk?” 

They said, “Oh, because we didn't want people to realize that you have toilet paper under the desk.”

I asked, “Is it really that bad there?” Apparently, it was. I told my coworkers, “Just take what you need. If you need it, take it. I don't care. I'm one person. I don't need all this toilet paper for one person.” 

I landed in New York on March 14th and on the 16th I started feeling shitty. I called my doctor's office and said, “I'm not feeling well. Something's wrong.” At that time, the Trump administration and the CDC both said, “Unless you went to China or were in contact with someone from Asia or anywhere else that we know that this is going on, then we have no reason for you to suspect that you actually have this virus.”

So my doctors said, “The CDC says that there's no reason to suspect COVID. If you develop a fever above 100°, then let us know. But otherwise, this is probably the common cold.” I was really frustrated because I had the flu back in January. I knew what the flu felt like and this wasn’t the fucking flu. I couldn't even get myself up to use the bathroom — to go urinate, to go defecate, to do anything. 

I couldn't even get myself up to use the bathroom — to go urinate, to go defecate, to do anything. 

Then, I developed a fever that went above 100° and a headache. I couldn't have my blinds open because the light was too bright. I couldn't look at my phone. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the eyes and kept doing it. When you get the flu or the cold, it resolves but this never resolved for me. I always felt like shit and then I felt like less shit. 

When you get the flu or the cold, it resolves but this never resolved for me. I always felt like shit and then I felt like less shit. 

At that point, I was in daily pain. I saw a neurologist and did an MRI. The MRI came back clean, meaning there were no tumors and there was nothing wrong with my sinuses. Everything was normal which meant I was having migraines — something I’d never had before. 

The way the migraines get treated by the health insurance companies is that you have to try every medication before they give you the one that ultimately works and they start with the cheapest one, obviously. So, I tried one after another, after another, after another, and the whole time I was in daily pain. On a scale of 1 to 10 — 10 being I'm screaming and one 1 being I scratched my arm — it was a seven every day. The pain from my broken leg when I was a teenager was nothing compared to what I had to deal with with the migraine.  

The pain from my broken leg when I was a teenager was nothing compared to what I had to deal with with the migraine.  

A migraine specialist said I would probably end up needing Botox but unfortunately, I couldn’t get that until I tried and exhausted everything else which would take another two months. With the medication, my migraines went down 50%. I was still having headaches every other day. But I have to work every day. So, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I asked work about going back on leave. They said because I came back from leave they couldn’t put me back on there. So, I worked through the pain every day and because I needed to have insurance. But, there were some days where I couldn't even work.

I’ve learned how to manage it. If I'm at work, I take Ubrelvy, a migraine abortive, that stops the migraine. If the abortive doesn't work, my backup is Rizatriptan. But, I only take that if it's absolutely necessary because that one that landed me in the hospital once. 

I don't think I really was coping. I was aggravated because I wasn't able to get rid of the pain and that was one thing that was keeping me from going back to work. It's kind of ironic because the thing that was keeping me from going back to work was work not paying for treatments that would work. 

the thing that was keeping me from going back to work was work not paying for treatments that would work. 

About four weeks ago I got Botox. It is about 37 injections all through the scalp, forehead, neck, and shoulders, that, in theory,  help prevent migraines by relaxing the muscles. It doesn't really hurt. The injections look scarier than they actually are. It takes four weeks for it to start initiating and two treatments to fully see the effects according to Allergan, the maker of Botox. So, I have to get injections every 12 weeks. But, compared to having a migraine, I'll take the 37 injections any day.

compared to having a migraine, I'll take the 37 injections

After the first session, I was more sore than anything else. In the first week, I had a couple more migraines probably because my scalp was irritated from the injections. About a week and a half ago, I started noticing that my migraines were decreasing and the intensity was decreasing as well. 

I want to be able to be a normal 31-year-old and I can't. It's frustrating in the sense that I know what it was before and wanting to go back to that. But, at this point, I realize I can't. I may never be able to go back to that. That's something I have to accept.