PHOTOGRAPHED BY MORGANA WINGGARD

MAHWAH, NEW JERSEY: I didn’t know much about COVID other than that it started in China and that it is a deadly disease mainly affecting elderly people. I didn’t think I would get it because I was in the best shape of my life. I exercised daily. I had six pack abs and I was ready for summer. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get it and behold I got it. 

I worked at a skilled nursing facility not too far away from New York City. Once COVID hit there, we were advised to maintain safe precautions. But, I quickly learned COVID does not discriminate. 

At first I thought it was a normal, routine fever. Then, it bounced up to 101 followed by drowsiness, a dry cough, and slight chest pain. Once I started feeling the headaches, I knew I needed to get tested right there and then. That was late March when the state was shutting down and testing wasn’t as quick as it is today so it took me a week to find out I was COVID positive.

I was embarrassed at first. I thought a fit person should not get sick. We have great immune systems. Unfortunately, we’re finding out this virus does not discriminate. Even pro athletes are getting it. It can happen to anyone. 

I’m very active. I love going to the gym and doing physical activities. I’m very highly motivated and high energy. But, when I had COVID I was drowsy all the time. I didn’t want to do anything -- just stay in bed with zero motivation. I had no appetite whatsoever. As a result, I lost a good 20 pounds which I’m still trying to get back. 

The hardest part for me was the mental aspect. This whole thing taught me that as strong as I was and as much I worked out, I was not mentally prepared for this. The day I found out, I was in complete shock and isolated myself from the world in my room where I was alone with my thoughts.

“What’s going to happen next?”

“Is it going to get worse?” 

“Am I going to get better?”

“I didn’t have a complete life. I didn’t live life how I really wanted to live it. There’s so much more I want to do in this life that I haven’t done, that needs to be done.”  

People talk about the physical effects of COVID-19, but no one really talks about the mental health impact. Mental health is something that affects one in four people. It comes in many different forms like depression and anxiety, but it’s very hard to tell in most people because it cannot be seen. It’s soul wrenching and it loses friendships. People with depression are viewed as really weak. But, I feel like people with depression are really strong because they endure the pain and persevere. So, I feel like they’re the bravest people in the world. 

This is a big roadblock in my life. During the quarantine, I discovered I needed to work on it and slowly but surely find ways to develop that. I’m working on my mental state: reading books, listening to more podcasts, motivational stuff on Youtube and communicating to people how I truly feel and not keeping it bottled in. 

I’ve come out about my mental health struggles and used that as motivation for others who struggle with it. I had a lot of great engagement on both Instagram and Facebook. People applauded me for being vulnerable and coming out. Not many people do. People said things like, “I’m here for you.” “You’re not alone in this.”  I’ve had a lot of great support and I’m truly blessed that I had people to talk to. I’m not 100% healed, but I believe with my support system and resources, I will get there.